 In-laws are important to your spouse – these are their parents and it’s important to keep this in mind. If your in-laws are important to your spouse, they are important to you, too.
It’s important to find a better way of dealing with your in-laws, even if they are tyrants.
Building bridges with your in-laws won’t be an easy task; here are 10 better ways of dealing with your in-laws.
Work with your husband or wife
Working with your spouse is the key to dealing with your in-laws. Don’t put your husband or wife in the position of choosing between you and them – this is a nearly impossible situation for your spouse and it’s just not fair. You should respect his or her relationship with their family, including parents, grandparents and siblings.
Setting boundaries
With your spouse, set boundaries for your in-laws – both sets of them; your parents and theirs. Decide together what is important and what isn’t, including issues that deal with your family time, children’s routines and more. Set rules and limits for your family and then together with your spouse, tell both sets of in-laws about your decisions and ask that they respect them.
Enforce the boundaries
If an in-law pushes the boundaries, stick to your original plan. Tell them, with both of you present, civilly and calmly that it’s unacceptable and that you won’t have it. If you told them you’d appreciate a phone call before they drop by and they drop by unannounced, don’t answer the door or open it and tell them you aren’t accepting any company and explain that they should’ve called first.
Talk to your in-laws directly if you have an issue
Don’t ask your spouse to talk to his family if you have an issue with one of them – speak to them directly yourself. Don’t leave it forever to bring up, address the issue as soon as you can. You can have your spouse present if needed or wanted, but don’t force them into the middle.
Be yourself right from the beginning
Don’t try to be the person your in-laws would like you to be – you are who you are and they will accept that person. It is, after all, the person their child/sibling/grandchild accepted, loves and married.
Know your in-laws
Don’t expect your in-laws to be just like your parents, siblings or grandparents. They are likely quite different and you need to know who they are so that your expectations of them are in line.
Take time to cool off
Take the time to simmer down and avoid the knee-jerk reactions, insults and comments. Most often the best thing to say is nothing.
Remember, you’re an adult, too
Your in-laws are adults and so are you. Stay mature when dealing with them and try to negotiate. They aren’t your parents – they are no better or no worse, just different than what you are used to. Try to see their point of view and even if you don’t agree, accept that they have an opinion too.
Play nice
Even if it’s hard, try to find something nice to say. If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all, just smile and stay silent.
Remember your sense of humor
Regardless of your in-laws behavior, try to remember that they are different. Sometimes their ideas of normal are not yours, try to find something humorous in their actions and smile, nod and agree or, once again, just be silent if you can’t find anything nice to say. You can laugh about it later.
The most important things to remember is that your in-laws are important to your spouse and your spouse is important to your in-laws. They want what is best for your spouse and sometimes feel the need to step in and fight if they think you aren’t giving them everything they deserve. Respect the boundaries, enforce them and communicate your wants and needs, together with your spouse, to the in-laws, so that your families can live in peace and harmony.
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There's no "being nice" to mine unfortunately.