Better Ways To Break Up With Your Partner
Written by Carla Lowe -
Monday, 24 November 2008
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 There’s no use denying it or delaying it any longer: the relationship is over. For whatever reason you know it’s not going to work out—falling out of love
, incompatibility, long distance, always fighting, lives taking different paths, etc.—you know that the relationship needs to end now and that you need to be the one who ends it.
While doing the “dumping” may seem better than getting dumped, breaking up with someone can be painful and isn’t fun or easy (except for jerks who enjoy breaking hearts).
The good news is, the art of breaking up can be learned, and here are a few ways to do it “better”:
Do it soon
Bad breakup habit: Dragging out the inevitable. Staying in a relationship gone sour or with someone whom you don’t love because you’re too scared to break up or can’t seem to find the “perfect moment” is unhealthy and pointless.
A better way: The sooner, the better: once you know the relationship is over, you need to plan a time to end it soon; both of you will be better off for it.
Plan ahead
Bad breakup habit: Breaking up abruptly without giving it any thought. Dropping the bomb randomly—particularly if you’re in the middle of a fight and/or in a public place—is rude and disrespectful.
A better way: Plan ahead when and where you’ll tell your partner it’s over and plan what you’re going to say—the breakup will go a lot smoother.
Be personal
Bad breakup habit: Copping out and breaking up over the phone or e-mail. This shows a lack of respect and is a lazy wimp’s easy way out.
A better way: For the sake of your dignity, meet in person to end the relationship. If you’re not good with “speeches,” write out your feelings on paper, and either read the letter to your partner or let him/her read it silently in your presence.
Be honest
Bad breakup habit: Using the line, “It’s not you, it’s me.” (Alternative: “I just need to focus on myself right now.”) While sometimes this might be true, most of the time it’s not.
A better way: Don’t give lame excuses. Your partner deserves the truth and will appreciate your honesty about why you’re ending the relationship.
Be nice
Bad breakup habit: Breaking up in anger or frustration or being spiteful. This could lead to a heated, pointless argument or fight and paint you in a very nasty light.
A better way: Even though you need to be honest, you don’t need to be mean or rude. Tell the truth and get to the point, but do it gently.
Listen
Bad breakup habit: Ending the relationship and then leaving.
A better way: Your partner deserves a chance to react to the bomb you just dropped, ask questions, and speak what’s on his/her mind. Listen to what he/she has to say, but don’t let him/her monopolize the conversation or drag it out beyond what is necessary.
Back off
Bad breakup habit: Saying “I hope we can still be friends” right after breaking up, whether you mean it or not.
A better way: It’s best to back off after ending a relationship; even if you have the desire to remain friends with your ex-partner, now is not the time—you don’t want to give false hope of maybe getting back together. Your ex now needs space and a chance to heal; perhaps one day you can be friends again, but not now.
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Granted it is cruel, but hey if you're going to break up anyways, why not save money too!